I need this right now.

The body is failing me right now. The weather is so cold, I'm wearing a sweater at home. Aches every where. My attention span is 30 mins flat or less, have to lay in bed before I get a headache. So out of touch with the world, like everybody is so distant. It's sick.

Funny, I'm sweating now. The house is a complete mess. I can't focus. Was about to make a list because it's the only that's going to keep me sane and at least I feel like I have some sort of control over my life. Shall do that after I'm done acting needy. Am excessively worrying about homework, not the future. I have no plans for the future, in fact, I have thoughts of dying young because it feels as though I have nothing to give life.

Bye world. Going to turn in early, I can't save the gpa anymore. I'm not going to try just to disappoint myself more. Am tired of hoping, feeling like it's actually going well, and when the results come out, it's not. I have failed, and the whole world is going to celebrate and I can't bear to listen to their happy cheers. Screw this.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SOON HOCK!
I don't do dedications like this this often, but I just thought that my legs looked pretty skinny that day and so, I wanted to find a reason to edit and post heavily photoshopped photos of myself without making it obvious that I'm am doing it to 'show off' and not because I truly wanted to wish you a happy birthday.

Anyway, great knowing you for too-little-years-to-be-proud-of. I think the only thing I can think about you right now is the crooked teeth and infectious and annoying loud laughter that you have. Funny how we can laugh at other people's laughter and well, your laughter is exactly what will cause other people to give the that-guy-is-a-complete-creep look.

Plus, you're a complete genius in (insert subject you are really good at here) and (another subject). And I think it's pretty awesome that you can find ways to treat teachers like your friends. The closest I have done that is by calling Mdm Ng a bitch in her face.

You know what, I totally forgot that we were in the same primary school together and you used to skip and all that fun stuff. Okay, too tired to think of anything meaningful. HARPIE BURFDAY!


My hair owns,

Huda.

I know I'm supposed to be happy for you, but I really am not. Because I know, that the same thing might never happen to me. Whatever happened to you, I had wished and dreamt of it ever occuring to me. It never did. So it really hurts for me to see you so happy. Selfish, I know. You have people caring, loving, yearning for and to be with you. You're not emo, you only claim to. You're not lonely, you only want to be.

My friend, I'm glad you're happy now but whenever you're feeling fked up, I hope that you'll choke on your misery. That's envy talking.

Will like very much to go to a quiet garden/park with a novel and just spend the day away reading it. No thoughts on deadlines, whatsoever. That's possible here in Singapore, right?

-----

A boring week has past. I meant it, barely anything eventful happened. I lost my mojo to do work, lost mojo to read novels, lost mojo to write to-do lists, lost mojo to go out, lost mojo to do pretty much anything, even eating. Must have skipped dinner countless number of times because I didn't feel like eating.

Also, the mp3 kept playing the same songs.

Boredom leads to uninspired person leading to loser blog posts on being bored.




Why do I feel so jaded?

Huda.

A bloody portfolio and I feel so stressed up because LMS won't work and you need the goddamn bloody motherf videos to do the f'ed up portfolio.

WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU MOJO?

VS



New wallpaper for the Lenovo desktop: WHALE VS LADYBIRD. Can't decide.

Today feels like a good day to reorganise, organise and file files. Plus, do up a long, extensive, detailed to-do list. Just so I can feel happier and more satisfied with myself. One of those days when I feel so good about myself that I might even dare to go bunjee jump.


Is it me, or is there nothing to be done?

Huda.

What a horrid way to start school yesterday. It totally killed my mojo (if there was any) to study. Reached late for Abnormal Psyche eventhough I went out at 7.30AM. There was this horrible, dreadful, hideous jam at Old Tampines Road. This NEVER happens, ever! And if you must know, Old Tampines Road is as narrow as my opinion on people. And the guy behind me kept making this disturbing clearing-of-throat noise which actually sounds like he was masturbating or something. Disgusting.

Took attendance and the quiz, then went out to eat my sardine bread. After that, camwhoring with Alex's Mac. (Because taking pictures > TSL) OMG. You should have seen our rollercoaster video. We are such terrible actors.

Finally, CCN was tiring, but not as much as the last. Must have put more people at-risk for some sort of heart disease with all the oil and cheese we sold.


Going to listen to feel-good music now,

Huda.

It's 9.42PM and I'm still in school trying to complete APIP2 literature review. I think the mojo died but shall not give up. Might probably get some sort of drug to keep me awake past my bedtime - which I assume might be right after I get home.

MOJO COME BACK PLS.

Anyhoos, went to the loo to pee. And there was this cockroach, just waiting for me right at the walkway between cubicles and the sink. Jumped past the cockroach while squealing like a little girl. And, and, and... (It's so traumatic I tell you!) The little rascal scurried his way into the cubicle I was in. Squealed somemore. Must have forced my pee out because I was out of there before you can say, "I hate APIP like -".


I must admit, I like this silence, a lot.

Huda