just run.

This is going to be a post about my hair, my hair, my hair.

2010-03-03T14:29:00.007+08:00

So, this self-important blog shall begin with a really life-changing statement like: I HAD A HAIRCUT. Not a trim, not shoulder length. A freakin' haircut so short you can see the back of my neck when I don't tie it up kind of haircut. It's so short, I can't even wear a hairband without it flinging out from my hair. Just an exaggeration. Not that it matters.

I feel like an Indonesian maid sometimes, with the cut. Struggled with the hair wax. What the hell am I supposed to do with it? It's not like some sort of innate behavior where when one gets hold of hair wax in their hands, they will automatically style their hair into a messy but ultimately stylish mob of keratin and will be all set for an overnight party in a stranger's bachelor penthouse overlooking the city.

I guess the plus points in getting a really short haircut is that:

(1) I can feel wind on my neck. And the back of my neck. And the front of my neck. You get it?

(2) The horrible acne (possibly caused by the friction from my urgh-ly long hair which used to cover my neck) might FINALLY decide to stop manifesting my face. Hello hormones, will you please stop raging pls. I need to feel sexy for once in my whole entire life and yes acne, I am breaking up with you and I'm not expecting you to break out. Thank you.

(3) I'll be mistaken for a boy, and if the female toilets are full (as they usually are), I can just discretely make my way into the gents. Probably need to bind the boobies and stop wearing eyeliner. Or just grow a mustache.

(4) Apparently, I look taller. I'm guessing it's the long neck. Any longer I can tie in a knot or in a bow, throw them over my shoulder. What am I thinking?

(5) I can't think of reason #5. Oh right, no split ends. Yay?

Time to get a social life, loser

Huda

Uh huh, her.

2010-02-06T18:45:00.006+08:00

I don't need company, in the company of you.

Please, don't insist.

2010-01-13T22:55:00.006+08:00

"What makes your problem any bigger than everyone else's?"
"They're mine."

Hi, am still alive and kicking. At the same time, stressing and dying internally, sadly. Not a single day of break for this week. And apparently the timetable has changed to 9am to 6pm for me. EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. If you've seen me in school, you would know how much of a wreck I look like. I don't think slabbing on concealer would help. Plus, knowing my totally awesome skin, I might even get pimples on my eyebags.

(Think positive. Life is good.)

I thought I had more to say but I guess not. Fatigue totally eating up every inch of personality or brain I have. I ran out of words because I used them all up in the essays, portfolios, SDL assignments I have to write. I want to be funny but I can't.

So tired.

Tired.

Zzzz.

Zzzz.

Time's a wasting.

2010-01-10T17:04:00.003+08:00

Do they know that all the work they are giving us could and would compromise our motivation do any form of work at all.

So tired. Zzzz.

If I was a pretty girl...

2010-01-08T02:47:00.005+08:00

I wouldn't look like this now. I wouldn't constantly feel sorry for myself. I might have a social life. My parents would love me. I am able to wear anything and look good in them. I wouldn't have to be funny around people. I can make people do my work for me, without them saying anything bad behind me. I can get away with murder. I'll have random strangers asking for my number, just because they think I'm pretty. I could have been a model. I won't cry because of my acne breakout (which never seem to go away at present). I can cry and people would want to comfort me. I can screw up and people will tell me, "It's okay". I would attract people to buy cheese fries from me during CCN Day. I would get a lot of surprises and presents on my birthday. I would have friends. I would have a boyfriend.

And I would not feel like shit. Every bloody day.

Fated to be a loser for all of eternity.

This weary heart

2010-01-05T22:48:00.003+08:00

Worn out from all the wear and tear. For some unknown reason am on the verge of tears now. My body is really adjusting poorly to all this work, lack of sleep and poor diet. My neck is really hot and the rashes are back. My face looks like a whole planet is living on it. All the more reasons to cry. It's a way of releasing bottled up emotions. Can't turn to violence, I'm not angry. Can't turn to writing, I'm not sad. Music and company can only do so much.

Maybe I need sleep.

Making love come true

2010-01-03T23:21:00.005+08:00

Having the mother of all headaches and the cause - an extensive to-do list with so much things to do in a week, I wish I would just stop complaining and get them done. Or a day of mindless shopping with some rich guy's credit card. Any and everything to get my mind of this. If it gets really bad, I'm going to drug myself with paracetamol. Not kidding. So overwhelmed - by absolutely nothing.

Dreamt of drinking alcohol and eating this really yummy BBQ chicken drumstick, visually plus the taste. Both tasted really good for some unknown reason. It's weird because 1) I've never tried alcohol before and 2) I don't like eating anything with bone(s). It tasted so good in my dream. Tempted. Oh well, shall make myself a cup of peppermint tea.

-----

Sara doing a cover of Weezer's 'Tired Of Sex' with Matt Sharp on bass. So good. The Weezer version is on repeat on my playlist. Why the hell didn't I get into Weezer before this?

I'm tired, so tired
I'm tired of having sex (so tired)
I'm spread so thin
I don't know who I am (who I am)

Monday night I'm makin' Jen
Tuesday night I'm makin' Lyn
Wednesday night I'm makin' Catherine
Oh, why can't I be makin' Love come true?

I'm beat, beet red
ashamed of what I said (what I said)
I'm sorry, here I go
I know I'm a sinner
but I can't say no (say no)

Thursday night I'm makin' Denise
Friday night I'm makin' Therese
Saturday night I'm making Louise
Oh, why can't I be making Love come true?

Tonight, I'm down on my knees
Tonight, I'm beggin' you please
Tonight, tonight it bleeds
Oh why can't I be makin' Love come true?

Come of age

2010-01-01T12:45:00.003+08:00

No intentions of making new year's resolutions because they never last. 2009 was one of my worst year yet and I can only hope this year will be good. Also, am already in the third year of tertiary. I'm wondering what the heck have I been spending my two years doing. And, just realised how well I am able to express myself when I'm feeling down and depressed but can barely find the words to describe happy moments and situations. Off to watch Dead Poet's Society now.

Time to get a life,

Huda.

Silly crushes, quarrels and mindless rantings

2009-12-24T08:21:00.009+08:00

I promise I won't linger long online. Just needed the inspiration.

Anyhoos, got the sudden urge to read my old diary (from 2004) and wow, I didn't know how obsessed I was with this senior. I made a shrine of his name and all that lovesick shit that stupid girls do. No, I didn't engrave his name on a huge rock or anything. Just doodled on a piece of paper - his name x infinity. Plus, writing kiddy, silly poems.

But I must admit, reading through the diary did remind me of innocent memories of the past which normal non-diary-writing people might forget. It's sad really. Whatever happened to our innocence? I even have a whole entry of things I like in a guy (eg. tanned, cute smile, pretty eyes and spiky hair). HAHAHAHA. Funny how our taste change huh. I'm probably going to compile all of my diaries and blog posts and turn it into a bestselling book of some sort. (NOT!)

Extract from the bestselling book 'Huda is a nerd'

Dear diary,
The reason why I'm writing this is cause I'm just plain old bored. B-O-R-E-D, put it together and you'll get BORED. Surely you'll be bored reading this boring diary entry by a boring person feeling bored. You bored already? I just realised I wrote at least once the word bored/boring in each sentence. So, let me continue my boring story. Enjoy being bored! Why are you even reading this boring diary entry? Maybe cause you're bored too. Is there a way to stop/prevent boredom? I know one way is to go out with friends that are not boring. Reading a boring book won't help at all. Playing a boring computer game just bored me more. This boredom is making me hungry. Aiyoh! I guess I better end this now. Bye!

Wow, 5 years didn't make much of a difference huh.

Back to reality,

Huda.

The Daily Grind

2009-12-22T20:59:00.010+08:00

I don't see the point in texting people about assignment now because Christmas is nearing and there are people who celebrate and well, they wouldn't give a damn. So, I'll wait until the 26th to tell them the shit amount of work that needs to be done.

5 possible reasons why one MUST go overseas during shit breaks like this

#1 People have no means of communicating with you and they wouldn't want to bug you. So all the dickheads staying in Singapore will do the worrying for you and do all your work, until you come back. Those suckers!

#2 Also, you get to go a different country (and unless you travel a lot), it's always something new to look at and eventually you might forget about stupid things that you left at home - the assignments, the boyfriend you want to break up with, the bestfriend who slept with your boyfriend (and possibly still is), your pet rock, your sorry excuse of a study table and, did I mention assignments?

#3 A means to shop and eat every and anything you want because you're overseas and apparently, it's cheaper or more worth it to buy it there. Just because it's overseas.

#4 Escaping from the painful fact that your life is seriously mundane and the only thing that makes you cooler than your peers is the fact that your blog is updated daily. And the posts are about being cool, and all the other things that socially-inclined people usually do not bother posting about.

#5 You get to dress-up, take photos, and tag yourself on your newly uploaded pictures on facebook. While your group mates slug it out trying to complete the motherfking assignment you didn't help with.

I'll set off on a new chase, I gotta see a new face, I need to take a holiday,

Huda.

I read a book today

2009-12-20T15:53:00.005+08:00

Fig. 1 Yes, that poor creature has candy canes stabbed on his back.

Woke up exhausted today. You know, that feeling where you wake up feeling worse than when you went to sleep. Throbbing headache, muscle aching. And the weather is really cold nowadays. Finished a novel. Dressed up the laptop for the festive season (pls refer to Fig. 1).

Been out to see the world, got to dress-up (or at least brush the hair), eating out, judging people, wanted things (and as usual, not getting them), dying to shop - I need a simple black dress and a casual-meets-formal jacket and well, nothing much really. So little desires.

Things to do:
(1) Clear the study table - I can't tell my pens from my markers and my notes from my coloured paper PLUS I just got myself a shitload of pens and I need to find a place for them to dwell in style
(2) Start on holiday assignments - APIP, Abnormal Psy, Health Psy, Child Psy, Theater script and something-else-that-needs-to-be-done-but-I-cant-recall-now-or-maybe-im-just-making-this-up-but-i-dont-really-know-nor-care
(3) Eat cereal

I really hope that HMV will stock up on The Reason CDs. I'm so tired of going to their myspace page just to listen to them. I want them in my mp3! I want this album so badly right now and 'Ravenna' and 'The Brilliant Disguise' EP. HOLY CRAAAAP, NEW MUSIC.

Another wordy post (if you survived it, congrats to you),

Huda

Ooh, found it!

2009-12-19T15:49:00.003+08:00

Oh god, this gets me every time.

Busy week ahead. Yes, I have found myself a social life. My bitch of a friend (aka BOF) is still not back from overseas. And by the time she's back, it's the start of the school term. Balls. And I thought we could spend the holidays together watching Glee, baking cookies, sleeping, stoning, reading, weeping and the all-time favourite activity - bitching. Oh, need to start on holiday assignments soon. Will do up a to-do list when I'm free.

Aye, a picture:

This blog is so bloody wordy,

Huda.

A mess it grows

2009-12-18T23:46:00.005+08:00

You wear a mask for so long you forget who you were beneath it.
- V for Vendetta

The thing is, I don't know if this is what I really am supposed to be. I need to get past this identity formation stage already. Slowly, hopefully, surely.

Enough now

2009-12-17T16:24:00.003+08:00

I'm so tired of hating me.
Now that's over. Time for me to get a life. And a lover.

What happened to us?

2009-12-16T13:04:00.001+08:00

And I did. And I hated it.
But I carried on, regretting, feeling sorry, helpless.
My heart felt so wasted. I'm wasted.
I've wasted this much time to realise I don't know you.
And I don't know who you've been hanging out with.
But I don't like it - you and him.
Whatever happened to us?
We used to be so perfect.
But not anymore.
Hell.

For never and ever

2009-12-15T18:45:00.003+08:00

This two-week break sucks because the people I want to spend it with most, are either preoccupied with work and somebody else or they are overseas. I'm not sure which is worst. In need of a cosy company, urgent. That, and a social life. I could go blind any time soon from staring at the laptop screen and/or staring at a page of a novel for too long.

Oh, it's been 2 days since I last brushed my hair. But then again, I don't use the comb on a daily basis anyway. Dying to dress up for something so badly. Jan's party hurry come, sentosa outing hurry now. Bitch, come back to Singapore now. You, ask me out now. Another you, play tennis with me. Another you, do something, anything with me. You, you, you, you, you. Totally losing sanity from the extreme boredom.

Anyhoos, I have this crazy love for people with visible backbone. Like the picture below. It's unusually sexy. Oh, skinny people. You drive me crazy. And I'm dying of envy. Plus the fact that I'm losing sanity.

And the boredom continues,

Huda.

Nice one

2009-12-14T22:41:00.004+08:00

Today, me and my best friend made a pact, that on each of our weddings, we'd stand up, say: I'd like to make a toast, take out a toaster, put it on the table, wait for the toast to pop up, and sit down casually. I can't wait. MLIA

My life is too boring to turn it into a post,

Huda

Brain fag

2009-12-11T17:28:00.007+08:00

And in that moment, I swear we were infinite.
- The Perks of Being a Wallflower

I seriously want to read this novel/book or whatever the hell it is. It's so, me. And when I find a quiet, shady spot, I'll sit there for hours just indulging every single letter, phrase, sentence, paragraph and chapter. I'd really like that - the feeling of escapism you get from reading novels. And really, I need to escape from this crazy world.

And the two week break is not a holiday. There are still assignments due. I promise myself I am going to finish my to-do list today, and I will, just give me the time of day to escape from it all. An hour or two. Screw it, I'm going to the library.

This blog is really emotionally challenged. I must be jaded.

That's all that I need

2009-12-10T00:09:00.004+08:00

I really wish I had a twin. Or just someone who knows what I'm feeling but doesn't express it as maladaptively as I do. I don't care what gender, as long as that person is emotionally stable. I need a rock, with a soft but firm center. I need somebody to tell me that it's okay to screw up but you know that I can do it. I need you to just stick by me, let me know you're there, and you genuinely care. I need someone who can give me ideas, who is creative, who expresses well with words. You gave me colour, you gave me happiness. And your presence just eases my troubled heart.

I used to think you as my rock. But, you're just a rock.

And I'm just a control freak who is ironically losing control of life.

Get a grip,

Self.

Next to your feet

2009-12-05T19:54:00.007+08:00

I need this right now.

The body is failing me right now. The weather is so cold, I'm wearing a sweater at home. Aches every where. My attention span is 30 mins flat or less, have to lay in bed before I get a headache. So out of touch with the world, like everybody is so distant. It's sick.

Funny, I'm sweating now. The house is a complete mess. I can't focus. Was about to make a list because it's the only that's going to keep me sane and at least I feel like I have some sort of control over my life. Shall do that after I'm done acting needy. Am excessively worrying about homework, not the future. I have no plans for the future, in fact, I have thoughts of dying young because it feels as though I have nothing to give life.

Bye world. Going to turn in early, I can't save the gpa anymore. I'm not going to try just to disappoint myself more. Am tired of hoping, feeling like it's actually going well, and when the results come out, it's not. I have failed, and the whole world is going to celebrate and I can't bear to listen to their happy cheers. Screw this.

Pour me out, on the concrete next to your feet.
- He Is We

2009-12-02T20:33:00.000+08:00

Your crooked teeth

2009-11-30T01:19:00.004+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SOON HOCK!
I don't do dedications like this this often, but I just thought that my legs looked pretty skinny that day and so, I wanted to find a reason to edit and post heavily photoshopped photos of myself without making it obvious that I'm am doing it to 'show off' and not because I truly wanted to wish you a happy birthday.

Anyway, great knowing you for too-little-years-to-be-proud-of. I think the only thing I can think about you right now is the crooked teeth and infectious and annoying loud laughter that you have. Funny how we can laugh at other people's laughter and well, your laughter is exactly what will cause other people to give the that-guy-is-a-complete-creep look.

Plus, you're a complete genius in (insert subject you are really good at here) and (another subject). And I think it's pretty awesome that you can find ways to treat teachers like your friends. The closest I have done that is by calling Mdm Ng a bitch in her face.

You know what, I totally forgot that we were in the same primary school together and you used to skip and all that fun stuff. Okay, too tired to think of anything meaningful. HARPIE BURFDAY!

My hair owns,

Huda.

2009-11-28T00:34:00.004+08:00

Yet he was jealous, though he did not show it, For jealousy dislikes the world to know it.
- Lord Byron.

I know I'm supposed to be happy for you, but I really am not. Because I know, that the same thing might never happen to me. Whatever happened to you, I had wished and dreamt of it ever occuring to me. It never did. So it really hurts for me to see you so happy. Selfish, I know. You have people caring, loving, yearning for and to be with you. You're not emo, you only claim to. You're not lonely, you only want to be.

My friend, I'm glad you're happy now but whenever you're feeling fked up, I hope that you'll choke on your misery. That's envy talking.

Let me out of here

2009-11-21T12:24:00.005+08:00

Will like very much to go to a quiet garden/park with a novel and just spend the day away reading it. No thoughts on deadlines, whatsoever. That's possible here in Singapore, right?

-----

A boring week has past. I meant it, barely anything eventful happened. I lost my mojo to do work, lost mojo to read novels, lost mojo to write to-do lists, lost mojo to go out, lost mojo to do pretty much anything, even eating. Must have skipped dinner countless number of times because I didn't feel like eating.

Also, the mp3 kept playing the same songs.

Boredom leads to uninspired person leading to loser blog posts on being bored.

Why do I feel so jaded?

Huda.

2009-11-19T19:32:00.002+08:00

A bloody portfolio and I feel so stressed up because LMS won't work and you need the goddamn bloody motherf videos to do the f'ed up portfolio.

WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU MOJO?

Trivial things in life

2009-11-15T11:53:00.005+08:00

VS

New wallpaper for the Lenovo desktop: WHALE VS LADYBIRD. Can't decide.

Today feels like a good day to reorganise, organise and file files. Plus, do up a long, extensive, detailed to-do list. Just so I can feel happier and more satisfied with myself. One of those days when I feel so good about myself that I might even dare to go bunjee jump.

Is it me, or is there nothing to be done?

Huda.

She moves in her own way

2009-11-14T11:23:00.002+08:00

What a horrid way to start school yesterday. It totally killed my mojo (if there was any) to study. Reached late for Abnormal Psyche eventhough I went out at 7.30AM. There was this horrible, dreadful, hideous jam at Old Tampines Road. This NEVER happens, ever! And if you must know, Old Tampines Road is as narrow as my opinion on people. And the guy behind me kept making this disturbing clearing-of-throat noise which actually sounds like he was masturbating or something. Disgusting.

Took attendance and the quiz, then went out to eat my sardine bread. After that, camwhoring with Alex's Mac. (Because taking pictures > TSL) OMG. You should have seen our rollercoaster video. We are such terrible actors.

Finally, CCN was tiring, but not as much as the last. Must have put more people at-risk for some sort of heart disease with all the oil and cheese we sold.

Going to listen to feel-good music now,

Huda.

The mojo

2009-11-12T21:41:00.003+08:00

It's 9.42PM and I'm still in school trying to complete APIP2 literature review. I think the mojo died but shall not give up. Might probably get some sort of drug to keep me awake past my bedtime - which I assume might be right after I get home.

MOJO COME BACK PLS.

Anyhoos, went to the loo to pee. And there was this cockroach, just waiting for me right at the walkway between cubicles and the sink. Jumped past the cockroach while squealing like a little girl. And, and, and... (It's so traumatic I tell you!) The little rascal scurried his way into the cubicle I was in. Squealed somemore. Must have forced my pee out because I was out of there before you can say, "I hate APIP like -".

I must admit, I like this silence, a lot.

Huda

Can't Fight This Feeling

2009-11-09T20:55:00.003+08:00

Original by Reo Speedwagon (ahhh, oldies)

And even as I wander,
I am keeping you in sight.
You're a candle in wind,
On a cold, dark winter's night.
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might.

And I can't fight this feeling anymore.
I've forgotten what I started fighting for.
It's time to bring this ship into the shore,
And throw away the oars, forever.

And I can't fight this feeling anymore.
I've forgotten what I started fighting for.
And if I had to crawl upon the floor,
Come crushing to your door,
Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore.

Is anybody out there?

2009-11-07T21:54:00.014+08:00

I hope I can be a gentleman when I grow up.

2 hours ago, I was doing some sort of hardcore research for APIP. Assuming I got ample amounts of research articles, I stopped. 2 hours later (present time), I only had 4 articles. Should really focus, maybe if I disconnect myself from the WWW, not log into MSN (like duh), and not distract myself with all the songs in the laptop...maybe, just maybe...I'll be able to get something done today. But then, how in the world to search for research articles? Put Firewall on all sites that has nothing to do with Psychology, especially tumblr.

10 minutes Research vs 2 hours of Youtubing = RESEARCH FAIL!

That photo was so photoshopped

Huda

Can I ever pull off this look?

2009-11-06T21:19:00.004+08:00

Hello world.

What a week. I sleep early at night and wake up more exhausted the next day than the day before. And imagine going out at 7.30am and reaching school after 9am. Should really take the effort to catch up this semester and not procrastinate on reading the textbooks.

It's the third week of school and I feel that the promise I make to myself to consistently revise and all that jazz, is not happening. Don't get why I feel so lifeless nowadays. Shall stop complaining about school now.

(Random thoughts running through the mind. Anticipate a burst of random feelings.)

I think I'm in love with to do lists. And moleskine notebooks. I like writing, the physical kind where you get to express yourself by varying the intensity, pressure, size and type of handwriting.

Also, sometimes I wish I had a twin, just so that I won't feel so alone when it comes to life, living and work. Wishing that another person likes making to do lists - just for the fun of it. Someone who thinks like me. Instead of making the people who I'm conversing with confused. It's frustrating when other people are unable to see through your perspective and worst of all, every one else doesn't bother to see through it.

Imagine how frustrating it is for those psychologists who theorize ideas and principles and their efforts to educate the people. And it take YEARS before people start to appreciate their work - usually after they are dead. Sad, sad life. I love the unconventional, the unwanted and the underdog.

Living with 3 live pimples right now,

Huda.

All the pretty girls and skinny legs.

2009-11-01T21:41:00.006+08:00

Have been sulking so much these days. It's extremely pathetic and soon I realised, nobody really cares. Every one else is too busy to care about my feelings. So what my skin is an acne plantation, my hair is dry like straw, my legs are like the stems of a mushrooms - stubby and short - and every other imperfections that I still can't seem to get over and it haunts me every now and again...just when I thought I could walk with my head held high, with a pair of hot heels and wearing a nice lacey black dress (with leggings, of course) and strut my way as if the world is a runway show.

Before I break down (yet again) shall do up a list of things that make me happy, or might make me happy. Need to stop this - being pathetic, that is.

Things that make me happy:
Looking at pretty shoes
Girls with pretty hair
Boys with piercing blue/grey/green eyes
Skinny people
Guitars plus the plucking and strumming
Watching Glee
Patronising others
Bantering to self
Out and about with Nad cause our misery brings us joy
Days that I feel good about myself - which according to a magazine, it means that I'm ovulating
Shirts in black, grey, white or black
Black and gold jewellery and accessories
Chick novels with happy endings
Tegan and Sara bantering
Losing weight
Eating vegetables - or, just the idea of eating something healthy
Good (aka Tame) Hair Days
Money
Funny movies, chick flicks and anything light-hearted
Good music
Salmon and sushi
Frolick
Typography
Witty printed tees
Winter coats
Skinny jeans worn by skinny people
Did I say how much joy I get from patronising others?
Argyle socks
Lace tights
Skinny, skinny people - I wrote that already?
Moleskine notebooks
Holga cameras
Backpacking and travelling
Maybe I just like having a travel wallet
Cold weathers
Pretty people who are naturall nice
Tattoos on pretty people
Piercings on pretty people
Pretty people

I really don't think this is time for a break down,

Huda.

RAAAAAAH!!

2009-10-27T20:34:00.002+08:00

Itchy, itchy, scratchy, scratchy. Up and down my backy wacky.

My whole body is itchy and there is this serious heat rash business monopolizing my chin, neck and chest area. It's started to hurt right now. And the acne factory is busy working too. In fact, it hurts everywhere.

How am I to face the world like this?

Hurting,

Huda.

Sweat + School

2009-10-22T21:33:00.003+08:00

HOLY CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAP.

The weather is unforgiving. Am sweating in the singlet and shorts. However, don't mistake this for the sweating you get from exercise, the doctor said it's not the same. Sweat, sweat, sweaty sweat. So sticky, so smelly. Hope it rains soon - so we can complain about the humidity and how it frizzes one's hair. Humans; we will never be satisfied.

School just started a few days ago. Was hoping that a couple of the people might change their appearance (eg. undergo nose job, breast augmentation, afro, get a sense of style) but was horribly disappointed. Everyone looked the same! This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it will be nice to be able to gawk at a pretty face in lecture.

Anyway, first assignment for Health Psychology is very cool. Basically, we need to stick to a specific regime of our choice (i.e diet, gymming) and just report the results and all the other shit into a 2000-word essay. I'm a sucker for this kind of things (but once the interest dies, or gets too inconvenient, I'll just forget about it), it should be pretty easy, right? Plus - NO EXAMS!

I think I have already run out of clothes to wear.

Huda.

2009-10-08T23:43:00.001+08:00

How come nobody is updating this?

Story books are far more interesting than my life and so, shall indulge in that. Won't be back much.

Bye.

It looks nicer on the rack

2009-09-23T19:05:00.008+08:00

It isn't the mountain ahead that wears you out; it's the grain of sand in your shoe.
- Rodan of Alexandria

Listening to Uh Huh Her now. For a moment, I had this crazy obsession with indie music.

And before that, I spent hours on tumblr looking at shoes and skinny models, obsessing about my weight and the body shape. Then realising, I'm too short to be a model, my legs aren't skinny. I'm not plus size either. The few things that are plus size is the nose and the calves. (I still have issues.) So I thought, why not just go emo and cover my face with hair.

HENCE, WITH THE POWER INVESTED IN ME, I NEED TO GET BOOTS. Those heavy rocker kind that will make people quiver in fear or disgust. Then again, I might be having those low self-esteem days and totally decide not to wear them.

I want to go out and spend raya money real soon, on good food.

Pimples be gone,

Huda

I say

2009-09-19T22:32:00.003+08:00

I'm not a fan of heavily photoshopped pictures (I think), but the font looked a bit off, so I just thought, "What the heck?" Anyhoos, HAPPY BEEFDAY TEGAN AND SARA! Am anticipating the pre-release of their new tracks! They also are going to publish books but sadly, need to pre-order and it comes together with the CD. Imagine how much I'll need to pay for the shipping...do they even ship to Singapore?

It's the end of the fasting month, btw. Need to start cleaning up, but I'm not really in a tidy OCD mood at all. Yikes.

I want hair treatment now,

Huda

I'd rather be at home with Ray

2009-09-15T16:24:00.005+08:00

I will never be the woman with the perfect hair, who can wear white and not spill on it.
- "Sex and the City"

Read this hilarious book called "Politically Correct Bedtime Stories". I laughed my blow horns off while weeping because of the way the genius author, James F. Garner, rewrites the old time classics of Snow White, Little Red Riding Hood, and other stories. It is madly hilarious and not the slapstick kind, where it's funny to see the reaction of one getting hit in the groin or anything of that sort. Just incredibly witty.

I have spoken.

Bye.

So nice, so smart

2009-09-08T20:59:00.005+08:00

I'm in the mood to do some mindless ranting.

On beautiful people

Clothes look good on people with nice, fit (and skinny) bodies. Shoes look good on people with long, slender legs. Hair look good on those with a pretty face (and even better, a beautiful smile). Even the crappiest of clothes, shoes and hair look good on drop dead gorgeous people.

Need to stop being so shallow.

About the hair

Had a haircut, hated it. Then I realised, my hair had always looked like that - dry and scaly, messy and blah. So, just need to pin, clip, backcomb, wax or do whatever to the hair and work with it. I need to work with what I got.

Need to stop being so shallow.

About my shoe lust

Click here for shoe heaven.

Stumbled upon this site accidentally. It happened just yesterday! I've been aweing at all the different shoes they post here for the past hour or so. Can't stand the fact that the shoes are worn by people with nice, long, slendy legs and well, mine is pretty muscular (not pretty, just very muscular). I saw a reflection of myself and was disgusted (as usual).

Googled on how to lose the calves' muscles and it made me lose hope. So, I just need to stick to wearing skinnies and leggings. Or, overwork the muscles - which could lead to possible side effects.

Need to stop being so shallow.

About female urinals

Click here for portable urinals for females.

Simply put, GoGirl is the way to stand up to crowded, disgusting, distant or non-existent bathrooms. It’s a female urination device (sometimes called a FUD) that allows you to urinate while standing up. It’s neat. It’s discreet. It’s hygienic.

GoGirl is easy to use. Just lower your panties, and put GoGirl against your body, forming a seal. Aim and, well, pee. Pretty simple, huh?

I'm not kidding - from the website itself. It looks like a funnel! People are amazing creatures.

Need to pee in a proper urinal now.

Huda

"Who the heck is that."

2009-09-07T22:19:00.004+08:00

(Shoe, you are amusingly weird. :D)

POHSHUYUN. says:
Amber Rose.
that's a nice name
haha
Kanye West.
who the heck is that.
sounds ... weird.
haha

There is life outside

2009-09-03T18:39:00.003+08:00

Since the mojo to work has died (or until I find 'the' job), I have hours of freedom, boredom and sloth-dom. Am going to read CLEO everyday and cut out pictures of pretty people and things and collage them, whenever I get into the mood. Or maybe I shall just buff the nails until they wear out. At least there are plans to go out so the concession won't be such a waste. Need to go to the library soon or sing under a tree with a guitar and a silly companion. Anyhoos, here's the holiday to-do list which I wish to accomplish, eventually.

I need to stop dreaming and start living,

Huda

Messy but nice

2009-09-02T18:15:00.006+08:00

Went through close to a 100 pages of fuckyeahskinnybitch to compile all of this. Pure commitment. Need to do something to the hair to save it. Hot-oil treatment, ceramic straightening, surgery or even a wig. And shopping.

But first, clear out the wardrobe and murder some crows.

I wish I had your hair,

Huda

p.s: Added a new favourite link, Rhombus for really stylish geeky wear eventhough there isn't much.

Are we ten years ago?

2009-09-01T19:52:00.006+08:00

Just cried my eyes out moments ago. Ended my long-term FGR(furniture-girl relationship) with the leather sofa of 10 years. It was extremely painful. However, got myself the leather material (am still figuring out what to do with it - bag, notebook cover?) I did a lot of thinking, dreaming, sitting, singing, crying, laughing and other verbs that you can possibly think of that relates to sofa. It felt like I was married to him. Urgh. My whole face is red now.

I was lying and cuddling good ol' sofa for the last time and then this little boy (who is actually the neighbour on the 2nd floor that I never met) stared at me for the longest of time. Looked up at the sky while lying on the sofa, thinking, "I'll never get to do this ever again." And if I did, it will never be the same feeling.

The living room is so empty right now (and so is the heart). I can hear the echo of my voice. Okay. My face is still red. Need to numb the face now. Below are some random webcam pictures of me with the sofa.

I loved my sofa, most ardently

Huda

I have my reasons

2009-08-31T21:50:00.007+08:00

So many possible excuses for the reason why the blog has been neglected.

1. My brain died.
2. My laptop died.
3. I'm so busy, I don't have time to publish a post.
4. I'm so bored, I can't function.
5. I'm too fat and lazy to get out of bed.
6. My eye exploded.
7. I ate the keypad for breakfast.

Are you kidding me. The cyber world is so boring with the whole world either getting drunk and laid outside or busy making money so that they can get drunk, robbed and laid later. Barely anybody is online nowadays. I'll just twitter-sms myself out of boredom. Shall listen to tuneage and/or the outdated playlist. Looking forward for Mayday Parade and Tegan and Sara's upcoming album - both to be released in October!

Mayday Parade
Anywhere But Here, Oct 6

Tegan and Sara
Sainthood, Oct 27

Fug the face

2009-08-28T23:21:00.002+08:00

We have our days.

We're going in the same direction

2009-08-28T07:33:00.003+08:00

But I'm not ever going to know if I'm right or wrong
'cause we're all going in the same direction.
And I'm not sure which way to go because all along
we've been going in the same direction.

Universalmusicgroup doesn't allow embedding. Anyhoos, the official vid for this song has Kanye West, Joel Madden and Chester Bennington starring in it. Zoinks. Listening to their new album now. No bass in the songs, just lead and rhythm. But loving the new sound, still (even though I only heard 2 songs so far - we all do this don't we?).

I don't want to work

2009-08-26T22:33:00.006+08:00

Az asked me to complete the application form for this flyer job in Paya Lebar. And for the first time (EVER!) they preferred malays. Look at my application form:

Name: Nor'Huda Binte Mohamed Abidin
NRIC / FIN: youdontneedtoknow
Contact Number: youdontneedtoknow
Email Address: youdontneedtoknow
Experiences: in bed, no. Experienced working in kitchen, no link to this job. Duh. And flyer job did once before.
Qualification: Sexy. And very MALAY.
Other information or notes you think you would like us to know: SINGLE, AVAILABLE AND DESPERATE FOR MOOOOLAH

But you know what, the dream job would be at a CD/music shop or at any guitar store. And you are allowed to wear t-shirt and skinnies.

I can't think straight now,

Huda

Going over "the" seas

2009-08-26T17:17:00.005+08:00

Howdy.

The layout just got a facelift. Explore it, all you minions.

The upcoming Hong Kong trip made me lose sleep yesterday. I imagined what clothes to bring, and where in the world am I supposed to get a luggage big enough for 6 days overseas...OH SHOE, WE WILL (or MIGHT) HAVE SO MUCH FUN TOGETHER. *goes berserk*

Oh-so-very-excitable,

Huda.

I Feel It In My Bones

2009-08-23T14:23:00.009+08:00

Good evening little blogger.

Just woke up. It's 2.24PM. Slept the whole morning, even though I made a verbal commitment before I went to bed to stay awake in the morning to do revision (or at least wake up early enough to call it morning!). Guess that didn't happen. HAH.

Have been listening to Tiësto + Tegan and Sara new song, 'Feel It In My Bones'. It's a trance-rave-ish song. And I like it - after hearing it for the 10th time (or 10,000th time). And look! They are making a video. :D This doesn't show that they are actually making a video, but the whole laser effect is real cool.

Will like to do those signing off things where people either leave thier cool names or abbreviations. (1) My name is not (that) cool. (2) So, I have to carry on with plan B which is to use abbreviations. Possible abbreviations to my name include NBMA, NHA, NMA or I can always use OMG - as in O-some Malay Girl/Obviously Meaty Girl/Obama "Meh" Girl. Oh well. So how?

I can't think of any cooler way to sign off,

Huda

Hey Saturday

2009-08-22T17:43:00.005+08:00

Bye bye mojo. The textbook just bores me. Holiday, start already.

-----

If I had twitter, I would publish this:

While watching Boys Over Flowers, mum asked, "What happened to his hair? (referring to Ji Hoo)" Hehs.

My name is Eve.

2009-08-21T00:07:00.009+08:00

Shoe has a way with words. Or maybe, she just reads a lot. And if you realise my lack of vocabulary in the conversation, it's because I was too high on peppermint tea and all the nice comments from SHOE (cause she keeps going on and on and on). Basically, Shoe is comparing me to this Nora Robert's character called Eve and apparently, Eve and me are like alike. That's extremely flattering. (:

POHSHUYUN. says:
she's brave, brilliant, irritating, funny, exasperating, driven, sexy, surprisingly sweet, mean as a snake, disalarmingly lacking in self-awareness and stubborn as a mule.
and, that's the description of Eve through her husband.

HUDA. says:
OMG. i'm putting that in my blog. (:

POHSHUYUN. says:
hahaha
she's really very nice.
she cares about her friends, but in the i-dont-want-to-let-you-know-i-care-because-it's-girly-so-i'm-being-mean way
very cool
reminds me of you

HUDA. says:
awww.

POHSHUYUN. says:
though she really does care.
and and, she's really driven and purposeful
she's respectable, in a sense
because you know just what exactly she stands for
and she makes no exceptions.
reminds me of you also
haha

HUDA. says:
sick. it's going in the bloggggg

POHSHUYUN. says:
she says stuff like "shit", "bastard", "fu*k"
and very very sarcastic and cynical (in the funny way)
she only swears when appropriate though, like, not for fun kinda thing
haha
she's horribly afraid of girly stuff

HUDA. says:
OMG.

POHSHUYUN. says:
like pink and fluff

HUDA. says:
blogging this. cause i'm awesome.

POHSHUYUN. says:
yeah!
you are.
haha
there was this scene in the book
when she entered this girl's room

HUDA. says:
hahahaha (:

POHSHUYUN. says:
and it's all pink with white and fluffly pillows
and she goes
"What's wrong with these people?"

HUDA. says:
HAHAHAHA. mad.

POHSHUYUN. says:
hahaha

HUDA. says:
I like eve.

POHSHUYUN. says:
yes.
see.
she's cool
like you!
i like eve too
really, she reminds me of you and you of her.

Morning post

2009-08-20T10:20:00.006+08:00

Don't you think I look like I'm bleeding in the mouth?

Hello. Woke up early in the morning with an agenda to mug like a JC student. Heh. I'm going to be productive as hell today and nothing's going to stop me! But I won't know until it's the end of the day and realise, "Oh, I didn't study that much today. There's still (insert a million unread chapters here) to read up on."

Mum found Grandaddy O's old school aviators (as seen above). It looks super classy. I know that he rides a Vespa and had a whole collection of shades, aviators and all. How come he's so cool and I'm like this. Sitting on my ass all day in front of the laptop (whom I will officially call Lenny). I have this serious fetish for masculine things. Like high tops, oversized t-shirts, and even this aviator is a little masculine. Maybe, it's just me. OR, it could be that I have been overexposed to androgen in my prenatal years. I might be growing a moustache soon and never realise it, or even have a developed clitoris - a condition called congenital adrenal hyperplasia (CAH). Err yeah.

Got bored and so decided to do up a HOLIDAY TO-DO list for the upcoming 2 months. Obviously, it includes guitar (and mastering the barre chords), probably redesigning the blog (this and LJ - that bitch), learning to use Photoshop, reading self-help books, organising my life, doing eye exercise on a daily basis and doing pious things - which is totally between God and me. Shall embrace my asexual orientation for the next month. And need to stop using profanities, verbal and written.

Saw this awesome pair of shoes, btw.

I ate hot dogs for breakfast,
And most probably lunch,
Huda

To self: Progress Report

2009-08-19T17:51:00.003+08:00

This song (and the band) is growing on me. Nice.
If anyone ever wondered, I spent the whole day youtube-ing tegan and sara. (Hello. You can spend like a million hours watching their live shows and banters and interviews and all of that. And for people like me, replaying a particular section of it over and over again because seriously, I don't have a life and this is the only thing that can make me happy. Sad, I know...).

Also, was busy trying out the pencil capo on Todd (cause I'm too cheap to buy a proper one). :D Promise myself I'll start studying at 6PM.It's 5.59PM, fyi.

YEEHAW!

Make you mine.

2009-08-18T00:28:00.004+08:00

Hardcore and badass boots. Imagine nerdy ol' me walking around in those. People might go, in their high-pitched bitch tone, "OHEMGHEE. What in the world is that nerd with bad hair and bad skin wearing? Is she trying to be all punk or something? My gosh. Like, what in the pork floss is she thinking! She's so fugly, she makes my grandma look like Marilyn Monroe." Yeah, something like that.

Anyhoos, shoutout to the muggers in the crazy little world of Psyche. GOOD LUCK ALL. Shall sentence myself to house arrest for the coming week. Or I might go out to eat and waste time blabbing about how disturbingly depressing life has been to me and that the world is so unjust and all that. And N, "HOW IS THE DRAIN PROJECT GOING?" Just had to say that.

Goodnight.

Ode to Shoe.

2009-08-16T17:32:00.009+08:00

HUDA (L) SHOE. (and vice versa)

You owe me tau huay for making me do that stupid nick thing, fyi.

Oh have we been through a lot together. Being in year 1, running for elections. I still remembered how you had this notebook filled with a million promises crafted into an election speech. HAH. While I had a thumbdrive with a pre-prepared (this sounds dumb.) presentation cause I had a sorethroat and lost my voice. I KNOW RIGHT! And I only had like less than 10 sentences in the PPT. I swear, I didn't even think we would be like this. Never thought we could be this close.

So, we both got elected. YAY! And well, we weren't like tight or anything back then. I kind of forgot you were even in meetings. OOPS. (: But, I only knew that you were this smart-little-piece-of-crap who got her work published as a sample answer for Foundation Psychology and I was thinking, "HOLY CRAP! I need to know her better." Okay, maybe not in those words but I admire how you can be so smart, like single-pointer and all that jazz. And here I was struggling to remember how to spell hypothalamus.

Not sure whatever happened in the end but suddenly one night, we chatted online. And that's when our true emotions emerged. Not like love languages or anything (duh), but our anger, our fears, our worries. How we were so angry and pissed at youknowwhat. And how how it affected us so badly. It felt good, for me a least. To know that someone else is feeling the same way, that there was this other person who actually cares about what I have to say and even agrees.

From there, we started to get to know each other better. And realised how unusually similar we were. Our likes and dislikes. (Fine, certain things we just can't agree on like...how bad Taylor Swift sucks. :D I still hate that she is so pretty.) We both picked up the guitar and went to guitar heaven - SWEE LEE. Touched Hummingbird, we jammed in school (or whatever you want to call us beginners), bought picks & tuners, and a million others things that we did together. And getting lost, as usual. Don't you find it weird that we even have a similar sense of style, just that yours is all skirts, cowboy boots and shit. While mine is skinnies, boots (the real deal) and more shit. HAH.

What an awesome year we had together. It's been enriching to have met and gotten to know you. You've made me weirder than I originally already am. And maybe, it's because of the confidence and the comfort you gave me. Because I know, both of us are able to do the dumbest of shit together and it wouldn't matter. Cause our flaws are what makes us special and all our screw ups are what makes us human. You're the bomb.

I know you'll be the star in someone else's sky.
- Good luck to the fart who will die listening to you whine.

I can't take it

2009-08-15T00:52:00.002+08:00

Days like these, I feel like there will never be anyone to catch me when I fall. And even if they do, they fail because I struggle and try to shake them away. So, they give up. It's because of this reason, I build walls - to prevent forming any kind of relationship with people. But I always let my guard down, I always let people in and eventually, these people leave and they never came back.

Feeling extremely vulnerable, very down, I don't know why. I've never gotten past this. I've never gotten over anything completely even if I always acted like I did. I may say I don't care, but deep inside, I really still do. It hurts for godknowswhat reason. What a loser. Like it matters to the world.

Don't say you do, when you don't. Please.

I want to

2009-08-14T22:12:00.003+08:00

I sang 'Your Guardian Angel' to my mum and realised how emotionally detached she was to the song. First time I sang and played the guitar to someone and she's like..."But I don't understand English. (in Malay)" Thanks Mum.

-----

I don't see where I am going with this. And I hate not being able to speak my mind about it.

A want, never a need.

2009-08-12T03:12:00.004+08:00

All the shit that I want so badly right now. I'm such a poser. Like hello, the whole world has checkered shirts and everyone else is wearing skinnies. But the 'Document' laptop cover is real nice. I hate how so many people are falling for the punk rock style and I'm another one of them. It's the person that make the clothes, not the other way round. SUCKERS. My crazy fetish for high tops are really killing me. Been surfing the net for them and a lot look so masculine (in fact, most are for males). Tegan's shoes are gorgeous though, but they don't sell it in Singapore.

Might have to file for bankruptcy soon. Not forgetting, need to save up for an acoustic guitar. Todd's really worn out (but still looking good). Just that he sounds very country. It's 4.43AM now, btw. I can't think straight.

2009-08-11T22:21:00.001+08:00

So bloody distracted and I know why.

Pow wow! Ow.

2009-08-09T22:54:00.006+08:00

*Ronnie kisses Jez"
Jez: Ronnie *pushes her away*
Ronnie: What?
Jez: I'm gay.
Ronnie: SO?! *and continues*

Oh Matthew. You're looking so very fine. So, Matthew is the character that plays Jez (short for Jeremy) in this Brit show called Britannia High. Apparently, he's gay (and a hot one too). And Ronnie is this girl that likes him. and blah blah. So good looking.

-----

Anyway, my back has been killing me. Really must get it checked but I'm not a fan of the wise ol' doc. Shall rely on Salonpas and painkillers for now. And listening to depressing music by Death Cab For Cutie. But all I can think about is my back and how much it hurts. I really hope it's nothing, just bad posture or something.

Please, cousin, get well soon.

Tonight

2009-08-07T00:15:00.005+08:00

To and fro. I'm so moving on. And hopefully, I won't waver this time round.

-----

I won't regret saying this
This thing that I'm saying.
Is it better than keeping my mouth shut
That goes without saying.

Call, break it off.

Where does the good go?

2009-08-05T18:20:00.006+08:00

Tegan and Sara is like all that's in my head right now. And their songs. Their stage (and off-stage) banters. Amazing, they really are. I like the way they talk, their Canadian accent and how goddamn good they sound live. At times, they sound way better live than the studio version. Anybody who can sing and play the guitar I find very attractive. Must stop oogling and youtubing and start on the 1500-word essay soon.

-----
Anyhoos. Have been at home, seriously vegetating the shit out of my day. Jogged in the morning and it felt good. I like sweating actually. Miss those days that I go to the track just because I can. And I dreadly miss Captain's Ball. I used to be sporty and healthy as hell back then. What in the world happened to me? Note to my sorry self: "Bitch, don't just say, just go out and do it." Need to start on work soon, freehand drawing and RMB due on Friday. Oh fug.

My Lesbian Indie Crush

2009-08-04T02:20:00.005+08:00

It's way past my bedtime. (D said must sleep before 2am, cause it's good for the skin.) But, I got hold of Tegan and Sara's album and I'm the happiest shit alive right now. Waiting for the hair to dry. Dead tired from J's birthday chalet. Anyway, heard songs from the neighbouring chalet and... - IT WAS TEGAN AND SARA! I love Tegan's personality and Sara's pretty. And yes, music has no sexuality.

I just want back in your head, I'm not unfaithful but I'll stray.
- Tegan and Sara

2009-08-01T21:44:00.005+08:00

I really don't know what to do anymore.
I don't get you. I don't get me.
So out of control, I'm almost losing it.

2009-07-31T00:26:00.003+08:00

Very cool.

2009-07-29T18:29:00.003+08:00

Think highly of yourself, for the world take you at your own estimate.
- My Super Cool Cookie

I love my desktop fortune cookie, btw. I need a name for it/him/her. Something oriental. SHOE, I need your help! Anyway, there's really nothing to blog about nowadays. School is boring as hell. It's just so full of deadlines and cancelled tutorials. Such a waste of time to make my way to school, seriously. Update on the rashes: It's like spreading across my whole neck. The itchy hands keep touching it. It hurts and itches. Shall meet with the doc if it doesn't get better by the end of the week.

And you just wasted time reading this.

Let go.

2009-07-28T18:54:00.005+08:00

Blue October's "Into The Ocean" has been on repeat while I try to finish up Freehand Drawing. (I'm still not done, btw.) I like these kind of feel good song. It makes me all perky and happy.

-----

I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion... yeah
Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down
Let the rain come down

Doc, I need you.

2009-07-27T23:12:00.005+08:00

Seriously, my face and neck are like burning. The rashes are hurting really badly now and I will subconsciously keep touching it. (That's a lot of verbs. Fine, only 3.) It's killing me and my already depleting self-esteem. Not lovebite or STD okay! Don't be gross people. Asked my coolio parents if it was chicken pox and they went like, "No la cannot be. You already had your jab." AHHHHHH. Oh great, hello ulcer, welcome to the family.

Man has no greater enemy than himself.
- Francesco Petrarch

2009-07-26T14:38:00.004+08:00

Just finished watching The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas. I'm feeling very ): now but it was extremely enriching. And loved the cinematography and the music. Did you know, that the main lead Asa Butterfield (who plays Bruno) was born on 1st April 1997. I like.

-----

ACNE sucks. Why my hormones bitching at 18?

Feel fine

2009-07-25T20:55:00.003+08:00

I need sleep, a lot of sleep. But what I need more is time. Spent the whole day transfering files from old Lenovo to the new Lenovo. Reorganising the shit out of the old files cause I haven't been doing that for a while and it's a real mess. I know, very anal. It's a start.

The Super Cool Desktop

2009-07-25T00:29:00.002+08:00

I'm so scared that I'll never
Get put back together.
- Matchbox Twenty "Bent"

and now I can move on.

2009-07-22T03:28:00.007+08:00

Watching Ji Hoo making hotcakes got me all flustered. It's like drinking Red Bull, where the body gets all hot and the head gets high. And I smile and giggle to myself, just because. Red bull tomorrow, or maybe a little bit of Ji Hoo/Junpyo.

-----

I wish I could read between the lines and understand people better, finding and reflecting the meanings, true feelings and motives. You can stand next to someone and realise you really don't know them at all. You can be classmates with a person for 4 years, and realised that you don't even know their surname, what they like and what they don't. I yearn to have a complex, love-hate, deep, surreal, dangerous relationship with someone. Like Romeo and Juliet (even if I had never read the play itself). People will go, "You're 18, have fun, life is a joke." But no, I don't want that. I'm ready to move up into the next stage in life. I'm tired of finding myself. Maybe, just maybe, opening up to another will help me find my true self. 3.40AM (I need sleep and Red Bull, urgent)

(by Luis Beltrán)

The Honeymoon

2009-07-21T09:42:00.019+08:00

This is 3 days due, btw. I'm too tired and uninspired to change and edit. Night.

Woke up really early in the morning and met A in the NEL.
Reached at 7am, I think. EARLY YOU KNOW.
A ate prata which tasted like weird, urgh. And she was complaining and saying that in Malaysia, it is cheaper and more thicker and filling. MAD.
Some asshole commented that I was playing around with the card, when in actually fact I was trying to get the darn screen to turn green. That person is a slut, I don't care what gender.
It was super uncomfortable on the ferry. So, we went out for some fresh air. Seriously, more comfortable sitting outside than inside. And the wind is like the bomb.
Took pictures like some foreigners (which we are). There was this group of ladies who like acted like they were the sex or something. URGH. I pull their hair then they know.
Studied like 1 sub-sub chapter of the cross-cultural textbook. (and we got tired and so, we just dozed off.
WE FINALLY REACHED! WOOOOO!
Facial, hair spa, message, and lots of shopping!
OMG. So many old uncles tried to hit on us innocent little kids, I swear. It was kind of disturbing. And they give that sly smiles of theirs.
With the exception of one very cute guy, whom said 'Hello' in my ear when we walked out of the shop. HAHAHA. Even azraini said he was good-looking. Swoon.
Halal Breadtalk - FLOOOOOOSS (If there is halal floss in Singapore, I will buy it every day), 11 Oreo donuts, Soy Joy (which tasted dry but I still like it cause it's supposed to be healthy), A&W Waffles, Mitha "The Virgin", Kotak album, a really cute dress, unusual stares, pervertic uncles, painful blackhead extraction, angry aunties, small jeeps and a really cool company.
Can't think of anymore. End.

Jimmy

2009-07-19T11:05:00.003+08:00

I still have today for counselling report.
I still have today to study for my counselling class test, 20% godforsaken percent!
I still have today to catch up on my freehand drawing.

I still have today.

Honeymoon

2009-07-17T22:38:00.006+08:00

Weekend overseas getaway with A tomorrow. Next trip will be to Bali. (:

I'm excited and I know we'll be dead broke soon. But am in need of the break from the heartbreak and from the crazy world. Hell yes, I love weekends.

2009-07-15T13:04:00.002+08:00

This is so fucking fucked, it sucks.
Motherfuck.

I'm so going to regret posting this but shit, life sucks so bad right now. Times like this, the world means nothing and the present problem is all that matters. And people who hate people who cuss and swear, sucks the shit so badly now. The bloody laptop charger won't work and my fucking reference for freehand drawing is in it. And so are the rest of the goddamn homework. This is stupid. God, I want to punch you in the face so badly. I going to miss school on Tuesday and Wednesdays because lectures are pointless and I don't give no fuck now.

CRAP.

On crack

2009-07-14T17:03:00.009+08:00

And I can't deny your eyes
You know I tried to read between the lines,
I saw a warning sign
And then you threw me up against a wall
Who said that it's better to have loved and lost
I wish that I had never loved at all

-----

The stupid things we do and say. You end up in a rut and now, the only thing you can do is to move on. Tell the world I'll be okay.

(via skinnypop)

2009-07-14T00:10:00.005+08:00

Rumours can be such a turnoff. I'm not impressed.
I spoke my piece.

Be my twin.

2009-07-12T23:38:00.002+08:00

I sprained my middle finger for typing so fast. Gah.

Anyway, I found my lookalike on facebook. I SWEAR. It was the most enlightening moment of my life and I like sent random messages on MSN and told (almost) the entire world about it. I could barely breathe okay.

So I requested to be her friend and left a personal message, 'I'm adding you cause you look a lot like me. OMG.' ADD ME BACK LADY!

Punggol, guitars, & a webcam

2009-07-12T15:31:00.009+08:00

Summarising the day, in easy, simple steps:
1. Took ONLY one bus to get to Punggol.
2. A and me waited for each other for a good ol' 30 minutes. And we were like both at the interchange waiting for godknowswho. We found each other in the end.
3. Had BREAKFAST! Shall eat Waffles the next time.
4. At A's home. Turned on the laptop and erm...tried to discuss the assignment.
5. Obviously, we failed because A's guitar was screaming, "LET ME OUT OF THE GUITAR BAG ALREADY!"
6. So we got him out.
7. D was on his way so we facebook'd and played SPOT THE DIFFERENCE.
8. Fetched D and his gorgeous guitar, Joy.
9. WE KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT. Lots of strumming, chords, tabbing. D is real good pls. Hello, little miss I THINK YOU BETTER THAN ME, can play barre chords.
10. A was excited she could tab to I Just Wanna Live and If You Seek Amy. Hahaha. Simple joy in life.
11. Karaokeparty! Got 6.2k for My Immortal (inclusive of the hiccups, giggles and all).
12. One hour of posing in front of the camera and 100 pictures. With, without spectacles. Testing out the different hues and saturation. D's the wallpaper. And he looks good in one picture and well funny, in everything else. A has pretty eyes can. And my hair did me justice.
13. Ice-cream! It was supposed to be Vanilla and Chocolate Chip but it was all Vanilla and (a little bit) of chocolate chip. Watched Kung Fu panda.
14. Finally, did a little work. We kind of accomplished what we aimed to at the end of the day.
15. I missed BOF, btw.

Purplesheeps

2009-07-10T12:00:00.003+08:00

Zoom and swoon.

Woke up with a morning surprise. Email! With pretty graphics (fetish) - a list of 101 things to do when I am quarantined. Here's the first page, there is 78 other things on the list and I'm not going to share with the world. The more I look at it, the more I like. And the longer I look at it, the more I miss you (and I'm not just saying it). :D

For you, impromptu outings - anytime and anyday.
For you, I'll stay up just to accompany you to do your work. (distract, I mean)
For you, I open my heart, and tell you things nobody else knows.
For you, I don't mind looking a mess and know, you won't judge.
For you, I sing and you'll sing with me.
For you, I dance and know that you'll dance with me.

Amazing. What a great way to start the day.

-----

Quarantine is making me miss school more than ever, not the school work but the people there. The familiar faces, the friendly smiles and the chances of bumping into someone you were looking forward to seeing. Last day of quarantine today. I'm extremely relieved. (:

Saturday, I anticipate.

2009-07-10T02:12:00.003+08:00

YES. Saturday am going to make my way to good old PUNGGOL (hopefully, I don't get lost this time). And my very cool friend is going to teach me all about t-test and ANOVA! Must get these things done during the study session - (1) RMB Assignment 1, (2) Social Psyche SDL II and maybe (3) Developmetal Psyche SDL 5 & 6.

Shall lug the trusty ol' laptop to cool friend's apartment in Ulu Punggol. And BREAKFAST, yummy Waffles. This is dumb, why am I blogging about this? Simply because...

If I don't write to empty my mind, I go mad.
- Lord Byron

I'm With You.

2009-07-09T22:49:00.002+08:00

If I could say what I want to say
I'd say I wanna blow you... away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight
If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down
On one knee
Marry me today
Guess, I’m wishing my life away
With these things I’ll never say

I liked Avril's first album. And Ashlee's and Lindsay's. Show me the lyrics and I'll sing their songs for you. But all of them now are either married, have kids or are making some weird remarks on twitter. Gosh, I need to get a life. Day 4 of quarantine. It's making a sane person go mad. I bet when I get out of my house, the light from the sun will blind me. The outside world feel so foreign now. I don't know if I will even remember how to communicate with people. How do you say hello in English again?

2009-07-09T18:26:00.000+08:00

I almost lost my cool.
And it's all because the laptop died on me.

No, yes, maybe.

2009-07-08T19:19:00.009+08:00

Listening to Tegan and Sara unplugged right now. Day 3 of quarantine. Morning and afternoon was very unproductive. I finally read the SDL instructions and downloaded the articles. But, nothing more. Serious. However, I did take my temperature twice and practice 'Wish You Were Here' intro and chords. Can sing and strum to it now. (Great. Great accomplishments. Now talk about the progress of your assignments. GROWL.) Agenda for tonight is to complete Social Psyche SDL which is unfortunately due tomorrow. BUT NO WORRIES. It's barely 8PM now. There is hope, and time.

Tegan and Sara "Soil, soil"

Oh and I'm feeling
Directionless yes
But that's to be expected
And I know that best
And in creeps the morning
And another day's lost

3AM now. Am going to stay awake and eat. Fasting later in the day. Must be productive! & Should strike something off the to-do list. I like the satisfaction from doing that. Catch up on those chapters I haven't read yet. Will need to draw, draft love letters, and get inspired. Complete assignments. Can't tell what I might do later. I know, there's a saying, "When there is a will, there is a way." Let's hope I don't get lazy. :D

No, not fun at all.

2009-07-07T14:28:00.001+08:00

I consider myself a strawberry, you?
Day 2 of quarantine. I'm doing up a to-do list which I'm calling 'The Great(est) To-do list'. I only have 4 things on the list so far, why isn't there anything more that needs to be done? Fine, I would make myself busy. Am depressed that the laptop only have 2GB of free space and I won't be able to install the Adobe Creative Suite on it. Must get external hard drive and uninstall War of Warcraft. I have no idea where all the 100GB of space went, period. All my shit (assignments, graphics, pictures, songs) total up to less than 3GB. URGH.

Am bored. Hungry. Restless. Did I mention bored. Shall dance in the bedroom now. Thanks.

Unreal

2009-07-06T22:23:00.004+08:00

Alice in Wonderland syndrome: A syndrome of distorted space, time and body image. The patient with the Alice in Wonderland syndrome has a feeling that their entire body or parts of it have been altered in shape and size. The syndrome is usually associated with visual hallucinations.

A lucid dream is a dream in which the sleeper is aware that he or she is dreaming. When the dreamer is lucid, he or she can actively participate in and often manipulate the imaginary experiences in the dream environment. Lucid dreams can seem extremely real and vivid depending on a person’s level of self-awareness during the lucid dream

Spontaneous human combustion (SHC) is the burning of the human body without an external source of ignition.

Déjà vécu is what most people are experiencing when they think they are experiencing deja vu. Déjà vu is the sense of having seen something before, whereas déjà vécu is the experience of having seen an event before, but in great detail – such as recognizing smells and sounds. This is also usually accompanied by a very strong feeling of knowing what is going to come next.

Prosopagnosia is a phenomenon in which a person is unable to recognize faces of people or objects that they should know. People experiencing this disorder are usually able to use their other senses to recognize people

(via tiresome)

-----

This is Day 01 of quarantine. I foresee a very dull week ahead unless I make full use of my time to do well, homework. Fine, I'll make myself a TO-DO LIST. Secretly, I miss school and I like the ambience in class and that going for tutorials actually do help me in my assignments and well, there is Research Method B to think about. Oh no. Home is equivalent to sleep because the bed is oh so comfy. Todd and Conner are always at home waiting for me and they will definitely distract me from doing my homework. I get super hungry when I am at home but the sucky thing is that I can't go down to buy comfort food like ice-cream (which I am dying for, btw), oatmeal cookies and cheese fries. OMG. Somebody should like leave me a mysterious parcel outside my house and like make me a survival pack for the upcoming 7 days.

On a lighter note, I going to save 10 good ol' hours of traveling time.

M.B.F.G.A

2009-07-05T18:50:00.004+08:00

Third O July. If you take out the crazy, stressful session in the computer lab, with a group of us (procrastinators), struggling to complete the social psyche portfolio, the day started out pretty well. HAH.

The AGM started and ended. I saw people, I wanted to see. (: I said my peace, made a fool of myself by forgetting what to say during the speech. I swear, my speech sounded like a Grammy's acceptance speech. The buffet table was wiped clean, seriously. Saw people looking their geekiest and putting in the effort to look geeky. JUN KAI, HAH! Took pictures and spammed people's cameras with my geek of a face. Left my hugeass camera on the floor. Played on Muying and Samuel's hot acoustic guitars. (I miss you Todd!) I didn't get to eat a single Eclair. And cried because it's all over.

To whom it may concern, I thank you with the sincerest of my heart.

Met up with Nadiah (by accident). So we missed the bus 8, and waited for a double decked 8. A while later, a single decked 8. Disappointed, we headed off to KFC. Just because we feel like it. Almost bought a meal, then 'I feel like going to Popeye's.' 'Really?' Nadiah asked. 'Yeah.' So off we went, back to the school bus stop. Met with Kom, and got free movie tickets to watch Transformers! Went to Bedok and bus-ed home together. I swear, the whole time I was drunk and Nadiah was super giggly. MUST. STOP. GOING. OUT. AT. NIGHT.

Sink in

2009-07-02T23:08:00.004+08:00

Brother just gave me the finger cause I asked him to make me Milo.

Timecheck: 11:09 PM

Right now, the eyes are really tired. It's starting to sting real badly. The agenda for today is to complete Social Psyche Portfolio and Freehand Drawing and still make it on time for 9 AM lesson. Rehearsal at 10 AM. Back to class at 11 AM. Lounge duty at 1 AM. Need time to prepare for speech, change attire, make-up, style the hair, get laid, go clubbing and sleep.

The brain's not functioning right. Inspiration not flowing. The drive is dying. Pimples developing. Body's unwell. Frustrated and desperate for time and sleep.

It'll be okay.

2009-07-02T02:29:00.005+08:00

Another one of those "Up all night, got demons to fight" days. Tomorrow will be an extremely busy and long day and so I really need to get my assignments done by tonight/today. I'm really not the kind of person who leaves things till the last minute. Hence, am dying slowly now.
-----
I hate that stupid phrase you keep using cause it keeps haunting me and the harder I try to ignore, the harder it is to erase the thought of it from my mind. I'm going to surround myself with people who are nice and encouraging because you're everything but that. And honestly, there are times that I really want to punch you so hard you'll just stop saying it. And I'm not kidding.

Buy me a punching bag, to accompany me through this really frustrating time.

Bed and breakfast

2009-07-01T23:15:00.001+08:00

YUM. Somebody, eat breakfast with me, please.

The grass just turned greener.

2009-07-01T13:39:00.009+08:00

"Flirting is the art of keeping intimacy at a safe distance.
- Sabina Sesselmann

Those crazy butterflies are going haywire again.

It's 2.24PM and I really must start on Social Portfolio, Developmental Portfolio, Freehand Drawing x 2, draft Counselling Psyche commentary report, Report for Cross-Cultural Psyche and prep for my AGM speech. Time is a limiting factor. And I'm wasting time on Facebook playing Mafia Wars and Make Me a Celebrity.

COME FOR AGM THIS FRIDAY OKAY!

Lost, to be found.

2009-06-27T21:57:00.011+08:00

MJ's passing. RMB report done. Mafia Wars won't allow me to fight.

I've lost appetite, desire and any need for the past few days. I lack sleep and have a terrible headache, heartache and am struggling to get my time management right. BOF is on right now, and it's not making me feel any better. My heart is an empty room.

Butteflies Michael Jackson

I just wanna touch and kiss
And I wish I could be with you tonight
You give me butterflies inside, inside and I

All I gotta say is that I must be dreaming, can't be real
You're not here with me, still I can feel you near me
I caress you, let you taste us, just so blissful listen
I would give you anything baby, just make my dreams come true
Oh baby you give me butterflies

Dedicate

2009-06-26T01:48:00.004+08:00

I love how Psychology students stay awake at ungodly hours in order to complete their projects due on the same day. Like right now.

Hungry now.

2009-06-23T13:34:00.001+08:00

It’s amazing, really, just how much pain the human heart can take.
- Nora Roberts

Sucks to be me, seriously.

2009-06-21T20:08:00.003+08:00

I don't like cliques.
People like me feel left out.

I blush

2009-06-20T23:26:00.005+08:00

Back from subcomm camp. & went home early enough to watch BOF! Today's episode didn't give me that euphoric and happy feel, it's so full of Junpyo getting angry and all. Plus, instead of getting a heartache, I got a tummyache instead.

Yellow: Tomeitz
I swear, we need more time to icebreak. I still can't remember most of my teammates' names - like everyone looks the same, you know. The guys look the same, hairstyle the same. Girls have the same features, tie their hair the same way. IS IT MY FAULT I AM BAD WITH NAMES? I am the kind of person who remembers people by the experience/unusual encounter/special feature of a person. It's difficult to do that within 12 hours, really!

Sun burnt the nose and cheeks and it's hurting now. Hakeem should be there so that I can use his UV cream and like run with an umbrella. Day 2 wet games are the bomb. (: And I should seriously stop stoning. According to the FA, I got hit by random pails of water (as in - I got splashed with water) FIVE TIMES at SDC. Even I didn't bother to count.

READ, EAT, SLEEP, STAB SOMETHING NOW!

Tomorrow

2009-06-18T22:37:00.006+08:00

There is this acute sharp pain in my tummy and it hurts.
Tomorrow is going to be one crazy day. In school in the morning for CDS/Elective selection, meeting for Counselling Group Project, followed by Interview for Cross-cultural Group Project, Jamming session and finally Subcomm camp! One crazy hectic day and I should rightfully be done packing but I'm not because of my tummyache.

Somebody miss me pls. Thanks.

Stab something.

2009-06-18T15:56:00.007+08:00

Too much noise at home. Renovations upstairs. Mum turned on the radio in the kitchen. Laptop playing Juno OST. I don't like noise. I do get noisy and chatty when I'm excited and nervous, but this is a little too overbearing. AND really, I'm extremely grumpy. SERIOUSLY, the goddamn drilling has been going on for 4 straight days already. LIKE WHATTHEMOTHEROFFCK RIGHT!

They've been drilling from 12pm to like now - which is 4.30PM. LIKE HOW MUCH LONGER CAN I TOLERATE. I'll stab someone if it really gets on my nerve. People should buy new houses or like en bloc the stupid flat so that people like me won't suffering the goddamn irritating drilling sound when she is trying to do her RMB 2000 word project report, and all the other shitload of work she has. I HATE MY NEIGHBOUR.

FUCK.

On a lighter note, look at my score for Karaokeparty! This is in the midst of all the noise.

Spoiler ahead!

2009-06-16T22:59:00.004+08:00

7 hours, 5 markers ran out of ink, 3 people high on the smell of marker.
Today's meetup with nad and fida was pleasant. Seriously, I can never be as comfortable and as at home with anybody else. My hair was pulled back and I was in an oversized T-shirt, I didn't even bother to wear eyeliner - and I never felt more comfortable.

Nad brought her pretty acoustic YAMAHA guitar, Beau-Travis (Bo-Travis, she's still contemplating) together with her pencil capo. We jammed a little while, playing simple acoustic songs, while figuring out how the strumming pattern is like. Really love playing 'Anyone Else But You' from JUNO OST (and the song is still playing in my head at this moment!). There's only 2 chords to play, btw. Plugged in Conner too! But have yet to master the bass guitar.

We spent the whole afternoon getting the front page of the invitation done. IT'S HANDMADE OKAY. I might still be doing it now, if it weren't for them. AND WE GROUP HUGGED - I'm happy!

You're a part time lover and a full time friend
The monkey on you're back is the latest trend
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you